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Chutneys, Pickles and Relishes

Boris Johnson's Greed Is Good

Glutney Chutney

In November 2013, Boris Johnson declared that inequality is essential to fostering "the spirit of envy" and hailed greed as a "valuable spur to economic activity".

Boris Johnson's Greed Is Good Glutney Chutney

Boris Johnson's Greed Is Good

Glutney Chutney

£4.50

The Wrong Miliband

Mango Chutney

On 25th Sept 2010, Ed Miliband controversially beat his brother David in a contest for leadership of the Labour Party.

During the leadership contest campaign, opinion polls suggested that David appeared to be the brother most likely to win. However, Ed was announced as the shock winner - many believing this to be a result of Unions GMB and Unite having included promotional material for Ed with the ballot papers they sent out to members, effectively endorsing Ed.

During Ed's acceptance speech, in which he said Labour was "wrong" to go to war in Iraq, David was caught on film rebuking former Cabinet Minister Harriot Harman for applauding, saying "You voted for it, why are you clapping?" Many political commentators believe that this illustrated how David, and other former Labour ministers, deeply resent the way in which Ed Miliband used his rather less than public opposition to the war to win the party leadership.

 The Wrong Miliband Mango Chutney

The Wrong Miliband

Mango Chutney

£4.50

Chris Huhne's Extra Strong Denial Chutney

Caramilised Onion Chutney

Having repeatedly denied having arranged for his wife to take his driving licence penalty points for speeding, Huhne finally pleaded guilty in February 2013.

A timeline of Huhne's bare faced lies to the public whilst serving as a Member Of Parliament can be viewed here

 Chris Huhne's Extra Strong Denial Chutney

Extra Strong Denial Chutney

Huhne's Secret Recipe

£4.50

The People's Picalilli

Proletariat Pickle

 The People's Picalilli

The People's Picalilli

Proletariat Pickle

£4.50

Chutney Of Solidarity

Courgette, Tomato and Onion Chutney

 Chutney Of Solidarity

Chutney Of Solidarity

Great to share with your comrades...

£4.50

Bolshevik Burger Relish

Perfect For Barbeques

 Bolshevik Burger Relish

Bolshevik Burger Relish

Perfect For Barbeques

£4.50

Damian McBride's

Honesty Relish

 Damian McBride's Honesty Relish

Damian McBride's

Honesty Relish

£4.50

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£4.50

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£4.50
Jams, Marmalades and Curds



Plebgate Plum Jam

Contains No 'F' words (apparently)

On the evening of 19 September 2013, Tory Chief Whip Andrew Mitchell left Downing Street on his bike, and swore when a police officer told him to exit Downing Street through the pedestrian gate rather than by the main gate. The official police log of the incident states that Mitchell said "Best you learn your fucking place. You don't run this fucking government ... You're fucking plebs." It was also alleged that he informed a police officer, "I'll have your fucking job for this."

 Plebgate Plum Jam

Plebgate Plum Jam

Contains No 'F' words (apparently)

£4.50

Cameron's Jolly Jelly

Warning...contains hypocrisy

In 1989, while Nelson Mandela was still imprisoned, David Cameron accepted an all-expenses paid trip to apartheid South Africa, funded by a firm that lobbied against the imposition of sanctions on the apartheid regime. Critics described it as a "sanctions-busting jolly" that raised questions about the character of the man who now describes Mr Mandela as "a hero of our time".

Although David Cameron has made great efforts to distance himself from the Tory Party members who were known to have opposed sanctions and were at the time seen wearing 'Hang Mandela' t-shirts and badges, it is evident from this trip that our Prime Minister was indeed an enthusiastic supporter of the anti-sanctions policy - bearing in mind he made his trip at a time when civil servants and officials were being advised not to undertake such journeys.

Cameron’s Jolly Jelly

Cameron's Jolly Jelly

Warning...contains hypocrisy

£4.50

The Great War Celebration Jam

It'll be right old Knees Up!

In October 2013, David Cameron said he wanted to see a "commemoration of the Great War that, like the Diamond Jubilee celebrations, says something about who we are as a people".

Broadcaster Jeremy Paxman retorted "We shouldn't 'celebrate' the outbreak of World War I. The centenary should have nothing in common with the jubilee, which was an excuse for a knees-up in the rain to celebrate the happy fact our national identity is expressed through a family rather than some politician." He also said that David Cameron was 'hazardous' when he was not accompanied by a speech writer.

The Great War Celebration Jam

The Great War Celebration Jam

It'll be right old Knees Up!

£4.50

Lord Mandelson's "Intensely Relaxed "

Lemon Curd

When Lord Mandelson said Labour was "intensely relaxed about people getting filthy rich" he may have been talking about himself. His declarations on the House of Lords register of members' interests give little clue as to how the 58-year-old career politician has made his fortune. He has developed close links with the rulers of oil-rich Kazakhstan and recently spoke at two events organised by the Kazakh investment company Samruk-Kazyna. He has also made shrewd property investments. In 1997 Lord Mandelson was living in a one-bedroom flat worth £250,000. In 2001, he and his partner, Reinaldo Avila da Silva, moved into an £8 million home in north London.

Lord Mandelson's "Intensely Relaxed "Lemon Curd

Mandelson's "Intensely Relaxed"

Lemon Curd

£3.00

Lord Mandelson's "Filthy Rich"

Orange Curd

When Lord Mandelson said Labour was "intensely relaxed about people getting filthy rich" he may have been talking about himself. His declarations on the House of Lords register of members' interests give little clue as to how the 58-year-old career politician has made his fortune. He has developed close links with the rulers of oil-rich Kazakhstan and recently spoke at two events organised by the Kazakh investment company Samruk-Kazyna. He has also made shrewd property investments. In 1997 Lord Mandelson was living in a one-bedroom flat worth £250,000. In 2001, he and his partner, Reinaldo Avila da Silva, moved into an £8 million home in north London.

Lord Mandelson's "Filthy Rich" Orange Curd

Mandelson's "Filthy Rich"

Orange Curd

£3.00

Lord Mandelson's Companion Curds

Intensely Relaxed Lemon Curd and Filthy Rich Orange Curd

When Lord Mandelson said Labour was "intensely relaxed about people getting filthy rich" he may have been talking about himself. His declarations on the House of Lords register of members' interests give little clue as to how the 58-year-old career politician has made his fortune. He has developed close links with the rulers of oil-rich Kazakhstan and recently spoke at two events organised by the Kazakh investment company Samruk-Kazyna. He has also made shrewd property investments. In 1997 Lord Mandelson was living in a one-bedroom flat worth £250,000. In 2001, he and his partner, Reinaldo Avila da Silva, moved into an £8 million home in north London.

 Lord Mandelson's Companion Curds

Mandelson's Companion Curds

Intensely Relaxed & Filthy Rich Curds

£5.50

What Crisis?

Fine Cuts Marmalade

In January 2014, the Coalitian Government scrapped an emergency fund that provided assistance for low income families who suffer sudden financial crisis as a result of domestic violence, ill-health or natural disaster.

What Crisis? Fine Cuts Marmalade

What Crisis?

Fine Cuts Marmalade

£5.50

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£4.50

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£4.50
Sauces – for the table and the pot

Obama's Red Line Pasta Sauce

...there's no going back on this one

On Aug 20th 2012, Obama publicly said "We have been very clear to the Assad regime, but also to other players on the ground, that a red line for us is we start seeing a whole bunch of chemical weapons moving around or being utilized. That would change my calculus. That would change my equation."

When chemical weapons were indeed used by the Assad regime in August 2013, and Obama's red line has therefore been crossed, The President found himself under pressure to initiate military action on Syria.

His response to this pressure? To deny that he had actually set a red line at all.

On Sept 4th 2013 he announced "I didn't set a red line. The world set a red line."

Obama's Red Line Pasta Sauce

Obama's Red Line Pasta Sauce

...there's no going back on this one

£4.50

HP Salary Sauce

Now 11% more content

At a time when the country is in deep financial crisis, the ordinary working people of this country are still losing their jobs, have been, still are suffering wage freezes while living costs are spiralling, and the government cutting or capping benefit payments, is it right for MP’s to get an 11% pay rise, let alone a 32% increase they have been reported as wanting.

HP Salary Sauce

HP Salary Sauce

Now 11% more content

£4.50

Bongo Bongo Land Hot Sauce

Another UKIP special

Senior UKIP politician UKIP Godfrey Bloom found himself at the centre of a furore after he was recorded calling for an end to foreign aid going to "bongo bongo land" and faced accusations the phrase has racist connotations. The MEP said he did not know what he had meant by the phrase but acknowledged "maybe" he had been referring to African countries.

Bongo Bongo Land Hot Sauce

Bongo Bongo Land Hot Sauce

Another UKIP special

£4.50

The Quango Burner

Sweet Chilli Sauce

In October 2010, the Coalition government announced that it would be scrapping 192 public bodies. By giving the act the quirky phrase of "Bonfire Of The Quangos" they managed to pass the cull off to the public as nothing more than a necessary clean up of non-sensical, money guzzling outsources - and on the whole the public collectively agreed that Quangos were indeed absurd and that they should indeed be axed. Had the Goverment been more open in communicating which public bodies were included in the cull, public support may not have been so unanimous. Among the doomed public bodies and advisory boards for the chop were the

  • Health Protection Agency
  • Food Standards Agency
  • Youth Justice Board
  • Animal Welfare Advisory Committee
  • British Waterways
  • British Film Council
  • Audit Commission

The Quango Burner Sweet Chilli Sauce

The Quango Burner

Sweet Chilli Sauce

£4.50

Burnt Quango Horseradish Sauce

Contains Real Horse thanks to reduced regulations

It is thought that the Horse Meat scandal of 2013 was a result of the Foods Standards Agency being one of the regulatory bodies that was stripped of its role during the 'Quango burning' excercise.

The shadow environment secretary said that the "drive to deregulate food safety industry has led to chaotic system with fewer checks and no one authority in overall charge"

Burnt Quango Horseradish Sauce

Burnt Quango Horseradish Sauce

Contains Real Horse thanks to reduced regulations

£4.50

Tax My Pasty!

Brown Sauce

In March 2012, the Coalitian government announced that it would be introducing an increase on the tax applied to "hot takeaway food" - namely pasties and sausage rolls.

The issue became a political controversy and was dubbed Pastygate in the popular press.

Upon being asked when he personally last ate a pasty, Tory Chancellor George Osborne said he had no idea. David Cameron later said that he had recently eaten one at Leeds Train Station and declared that it was "very good". However, it later emerged that the pasty selling outlet at Leeds station had closed down five years earlier.

Tax My Pasty!  Brown Sauce

Tax My Pasty!

Brown Sauce

£4.50
Oils, Dressings and Marinades

German Gold

Salad Dressing

In 2013 Germany announced that it is recalling some of its central bank-owned gold from the Federal Reserve Bank in New York, as well as all "German" gold on deposit in France. Germany has been amassing large amounts of gold reserves since the end of World War II, when it accepted payments in the form of gold for its goods and services it sold overseas. During the Cold War, Germany moved large amounts of its gold holdings to the United States, the United Kingdom and France in order to protect its reserves from the growing Soviet military threat. Germany now claim that there is no need for their gold reserves to be held overseas with the threat of the Soviert Union over. Is the motivation for such a move as innocent as this. What other reasons could prompt an economic super power such as Germany to recall it's assets? Fears of a possible economic cataclysm in the Eurozone? A planned backing out of the Euro? Or worse? History tells us to fear the worst when countries start collecting and gathering at a time of global recession.

German Gold Salad Dressing

German Gold

Salad Dressing

£4.50

The Killer Prince Salad Dressing

"Take a life to save a life"

In the interview upon his return from his second tour of duty in Afghanistan, Prince Harry said "If there's people trying to do bad stuff to our guys, then we'll take them out of the game." He added: "We fire when we have to, take a life to save a life." When asked by a journalist if he, as helicopter gunman, had taken lives as well, Harry responded, "yeah, so, lots of people have." He said his job was "a joy because I'm one of those people who loves playing PlayStation and Xbox, so with my thumbs I like to think I'm probably quite useful." Reactions from the Taliban to Prince Harry's comments were full of derision. "Prince Harry is a pathetic coward. No respectable fighter with a shred of honor would brag like that," said a spokesman. "Why does he only have the courage to go public once he is back in his palace?"

The Killer Prince Salad Dressing

The Killer Prince Salad Dressing

"Take a life to save a life"

£4.50

Abu Qatada 1 day Marinade

Abu Qatada 1 day Marinade

Abu Qatada 1 day Marinade

£4.50

Godfrey's Sluts Malted Cob

Nutty, and Slutty

Controversial Ukip MEP Godfrey Bloom attended an event at the Ukip conference in Westminster on Friday that was designed to promote the advancement of women in politics. And called them all "sluts".

After two senior female Ukip members joked that they did not clean behind the fridge (as Bloom said that this was a women's place), he joyfully shouted: "This place is full of sluts."

Godfrey's Sluts Malted Cob

Godfrey's Sluts Malted Cob

Nutty, and Slutty

£4.50

Theresa May's Bread Of Human Rights

(contains no European Influence)

Theresa May's Bread Of Human Rights

Bread Of Human Rights

(contains no European Influence)

£4.50

'Go Home' Harvest Bread

In July 2013, The Home Office arranged for a van to drive around London displaying a billboard warning immigrants to "GO HOME OR FACE ARREST", in another attempt to instil fear into the hearts of immigrants.

The Advertising Standards Agency acknowledged that the phrase "go home" on the vans was "reminiscent of slogans used in the past to attack immigrants in the UK."

The scheme followed on from their oppressive Twitter campaign showing pictures of immigrants being bundled into the back of vans with captions like "no hiding place for illegal immigrants".

'Go Home' Harvest Bread

'Go Home' Harvest Bread

£4.50
Drinks

The Leader's Selfie

Ginger Beer

U.S. President Barack Obama, Prime Minister David Cameron and Danish leader Helle Thorning-Schmidt grinned as they cosied up for a quick 'selfie' picture at the Memorial service for the former South African president, Nelson Mandela, prompting an outpouring of criticism. As the trio posed for the mobile phone snap, Obama's wife Michelle sat alongside her husband looking somewhat stony faced. it seems that the frosty faced First Lady was so unimpressed with her husband's behaviour that she eventually put an end to the fun, with Michelle swapping seats to sit between Barack and Ms Thorning-Schmidt later in the service.

The Leader's Selfie Ginger Beer

The Leader's Selfie

Ginger Beer

£4.50

Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead Champagne

The Lady Is Not Returning

Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead, the 51-second song from the 1939 film The Wizard Of Oz, entered the charts at number 54 the day after Baroness Thatcher's death in April 2013, and by the Sunday had climbed to number 2. Some Tory MPs demanded the BBC ban the song - but others warned that politicians should not interfere in the choice of records played by broadcasters.

Thatcher's funeral, which was a State funeral in all but name, was a matter of great controvesy - costing the tax payer £3.6million at a time when the Government was inflicting austerity measures on the society's poorest sectors.

Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead Champagne

Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead

Champagne - The Lady Is Not Returning

£4.50

Snowden's Departure Lounge Vodka

(Collection only - from Moscow)

Edward Snowden, having disclosed classified NSA documents regarding global surveillance to several media outlets, spent over a month in the transit zone of Moscow Airport until being granted temporary asylum by Russia. His US Passport had been revoked and was therefore unable to travel. Although he had a seat reserved to fly on June 24 through Cuba to exile in Latin America, he did not board that flight. On 1 July 2013, president Evo Morales of Bolivia suggested that he would be 'willing to consider a request' for asylum; the following day, Morales' plane en route to Bolivia was rerouted to Austria and reportedly searched there after France, Spain and Italy denied access to their airspace.

Snowden's Departure Lounge Vodka

Snowden's Departure Lounge

Vodka - (Collection only - from Moscow)

£4.50

Ed Miliband's "Squeezed Middle"

Lemonade

Ed Miliband's "Squeezed Middle" Lemonade

Ed Miliband's "Squeezed Middle"

Lemonade

£4.50

Lord Rennard's "Squeezed Bottom"

Orangeade

Lord Rennard's "Squeezed Bottom" Orangeade

Lord Rennard's "Squeezed Bottom"

Orangeade

£4.50

Lord Rennard's Squeezed Bottom

Orangeade

£4.50

£4.50

£4.50

£4.50